WHY I DONT ATTEND CHURCH

That’s where I did not baptized, and what is the use attending church meeting? I so felt like so-called-an-idiot, listening things I don’t understand.

And what is the problem being sat there listening all those stuffs even God is there for me.

If I attend church meetings, I will never get to learn anything at all.

And even though mum asked one of the aunties who know English language to translate words from Chinese to English, I felt like a useless bum who need people to help all the times.

I don’t understand even they helped, thus hear them properly.

So what’s the problem if I have help from them and going to CHURCH!?! And I never like the friends there. They are too unbothered and ignorant towards me, even S---- who do not realize it at all.

Only some are kind, but I do not want their pity! And it’s not what I want. Even I tell them, its’ like all a fake acting nice to me.

That’s why I do not like Sundays since young!

I always force myself to go church because I don’t want to shame my family on why I didn’t attend but them. I keep going there not to make my family lose face. But I can’t keep the problem anymore. It’s wasting time going there when I don’t like going there! LASTLY, whenever I go there, I always get nervous and force myself to sing and act happy in front of church people. I CANT TORTURE MYSELF ANYMORE! I understand God is there for me. Other than that, WHY DO WE NEED TO GO THERE TO EXERCISE OUR SPIRIT WHEN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND A BIT DAMN THING!
I don’t know why other people can’t understand me at all!

It’s not because I am a teenager who don’t know much about church life or not mature enough! It’s like, you take a trip there, and find a place to sit and enjoying singing, and share bible, and share problems with your friends and then eat bread and blood and then eat lunch, and then go home.

That’s why I do not like attending my youth’s outing and youth camp because I know I will be bored eating lunch alone, being embarrassed by anybody who pass by me.

Don’t anyone know what kind of life I am leading?

Every Sundays I always get to sit alone while watching those friends sitting in groups and happy chatting? I REALLY DON’T LIKE CHURCH. It hurts me A LOT!

I never like them. I don’t know about god. I don’t know the church life going about.

I don’t know my friends well. I don’t know why my family don’t understand me best when I need them even though I didn’t tell them the reasons.

I DIDN’T TELL MUM BECAUSE MY REASONS ARE NOTHING TO HER.

SHE WILL KEEP FORCING ME TO CHURCH WHICH I HATE IT!!!!! I will never like to go on Sundays! Nothing learned every Sundays.

THE MORE I ATTENDED, THE MORE I HATE ATTENDING!!!